Refections on Fatherhood (before officially becoming one)

So, the time has finally come - I’m going to be a dad. In some ways, I still feel like a kid myself. But here I am, about to become one of the most vital role models in someone’s life. And that someone came from me. He will be mine. My son, my responsibility, my greatest contribution to the world (no pressure, Pickaloo! [no that is not his real name, but you will just have to wait☺). While some of that seems like it should be a given, it strikes me because I have been around lots of kids in my life, but they’ve all had their own parents who took care of them who they went to for guidance and comfort. No matter what my involvement was in their lives (cousins, children of close friends, DFCS clients lol), they would always have their own parents to go to and care for them at the end of the day. But now, this child’s parents are me and Tanya. He’s going to look to us for that. wow

And so that makes me think about my role in his life. Tanya and I create his world. From conception through birth, from making room for him in our home to making decisions on what to expose him to, we are the ones that will shape his vision and worldview for the next several years. He will utterly depend on us for food, clothing, shelter, comfort, safety, education, healthy mindsets and perspectives – in other words, his whole life will depend on us. That simply makes me stand in wonder because, in essence, we are like gods to this little one.

And so as active participants in this thing called life, I can already feel myself being stretched and changed and just slightly understanding human existence a bit more clearly. These ideas are a work in progress of course, but I am thinking that for those of us that choose to be in a monogamous relationship (as opposed to those who choose to remain single, etc.), as we thoughtfully and actively make the transitions from being a healthy single person to being in a monogamous relationship to bringing forth new life, with each transition we make, the more our human potential is reached and the more fulfilled we become. (That is not to say that one cannot find fulfilment outside of these parameters or that ultimate fulfilment is found only here, I am simply speaking from within my context.) I know many people who would say they feel more fulfilled now that they are married than when they were single. I know many people who’d say they are more fulfilled as parents than they were before. Why? I think that perhaps it is because these life milestones have a grounding effect on us. It is so easy for us to lose our way – be it in unhealthy lifestyles/mindsets/perspectives like consumerism, insecurity, addiction, etc., or even in the simple monotony of life sometimes. These important people – our friends & relatives, our spouses, and most importantly our children should serve as a living breathing system of checks and balances. And these vital individuals point us in the right direction to not only take the right path, but to take the best path that will allow us to flourish as individuals by helping others flourish.

I’m not quite sure why, but I used to think that having children was taking the path of mediocrity. I confess it was probably elitist in nature, but I guess I just thought that we should be struggling for peace and justice and having a child would just hold us back. But now that he is coming, I am beginning to see that the way of bringing about peace and justice is not through simple resistance & protest. Of course, that must be a part of it, but it is not the whole thing. Bringing about justice and peace happens through living a lifestyle of justice and peace – that is, living the life I would envision in a perfect world, but doing it here and now in this imperfect world. So while I used to think that I cannot have kids because this world is imperfect, now I see that if I lived life in reaction to everything, I would not ultimately find happiness. I would not be standing for anything, just against something. And that’s just not the best way to live. So now I choose to stand for life by creating the life I want for myself, my wife, my son, my friends, my family, and even my enemies.

Finally, this brings me to the idea that I cannot do this on my own. I need all of you and I need God to help me [us] bring about that kind of a world. For what does the Lord require of you; but that you act justly and love mercy and walk humbly before your God. –Micah 6:8