Refections on Fatherhood (before officially becoming one)

So, the time has finally come - I’m going to be a dad. In some ways, I still feel like a kid myself. But here I am, about to become one of the most vital role models in someone’s life. And that someone came from me. He will be mine. My son, my responsibility, my greatest contribution to the world (no pressure, Pickaloo! [no that is not his real name, but you will just have to wait☺). While some of that seems like it should be a given, it strikes me because I have been around lots of kids in my life, but they’ve all had their own parents who took care of them who they went to for guidance and comfort. No matter what my involvement was in their lives (cousins, children of close friends, DFCS clients lol), they would always have their own parents to go to and care for them at the end of the day. But now, this child’s parents are me and Tanya. He’s going to look to us for that. wow

And so that makes me think about my role in his life. Tanya and I create his world. From conception through birth, from making room for him in our home to making decisions on what to expose him to, we are the ones that will shape his vision and worldview for the next several years. He will utterly depend on us for food, clothing, shelter, comfort, safety, education, healthy mindsets and perspectives – in other words, his whole life will depend on us. That simply makes me stand in wonder because, in essence, we are like gods to this little one.

And so as active participants in this thing called life, I can already feel myself being stretched and changed and just slightly understanding human existence a bit more clearly. These ideas are a work in progress of course, but I am thinking that for those of us that choose to be in a monogamous relationship (as opposed to those who choose to remain single, etc.), as we thoughtfully and actively make the transitions from being a healthy single person to being in a monogamous relationship to bringing forth new life, with each transition we make, the more our human potential is reached and the more fulfilled we become. (That is not to say that one cannot find fulfilment outside of these parameters or that ultimate fulfilment is found only here, I am simply speaking from within my context.) I know many people who would say they feel more fulfilled now that they are married than when they were single. I know many people who’d say they are more fulfilled as parents than they were before. Why? I think that perhaps it is because these life milestones have a grounding effect on us. It is so easy for us to lose our way – be it in unhealthy lifestyles/mindsets/perspectives like consumerism, insecurity, addiction, etc., or even in the simple monotony of life sometimes. These important people – our friends & relatives, our spouses, and most importantly our children should serve as a living breathing system of checks and balances. And these vital individuals point us in the right direction to not only take the right path, but to take the best path that will allow us to flourish as individuals by helping others flourish.

I’m not quite sure why, but I used to think that having children was taking the path of mediocrity. I confess it was probably elitist in nature, but I guess I just thought that we should be struggling for peace and justice and having a child would just hold us back. But now that he is coming, I am beginning to see that the way of bringing about peace and justice is not through simple resistance & protest. Of course, that must be a part of it, but it is not the whole thing. Bringing about justice and peace happens through living a lifestyle of justice and peace – that is, living the life I would envision in a perfect world, but doing it here and now in this imperfect world. So while I used to think that I cannot have kids because this world is imperfect, now I see that if I lived life in reaction to everything, I would not ultimately find happiness. I would not be standing for anything, just against something. And that’s just not the best way to live. So now I choose to stand for life by creating the life I want for myself, my wife, my son, my friends, my family, and even my enemies.

Finally, this brings me to the idea that I cannot do this on my own. I need all of you and I need God to help me [us] bring about that kind of a world. For what does the Lord require of you; but that you act justly and love mercy and walk humbly before your God. –Micah 6:8

A More Perfect Union

This famous phrase was most recently made popular by Senator Obama as a gave his speech on the issue of race within the US. We must acknowledge the fact that disparities exist and cannot ignore the oh so strange coincidence that many of those disparities involve minorities getting the raw end of the deal - be the issue our failing school system, our overcrowded of prisons (can we say the 'correctional-industrial complex?'), low-income housing, and poverty in general. There are those who do not like to name race as a factor to these social problems and instead wish to name it a class issue. But to ignore the issue of race within these inequalities is to ignore one of the holes in a sinking ship. I applaud Senator Obama for choosing to name one of the main factors that plague our social structures rather than making sweeping statements of how segregation is over and we need to move past those mentalities. Being able to see an issue clearly and call it out like that without alienating is taking a step in the right direction. For too long we Americans have gone without having any real public discourse about race. Too often many of us tense up and go silent when the topic is raised. For too long we have needed real discussions of race in our educational curriculum (and teachers competent enough to facilitate such discussions). One of the reasons Obama is so popular is because he talks a lot about unity and change. Before he even announced his candidacy he has been one of the biggest bridge-builders during his time in the Senate. And he brings me hope that maybe we actually can discuss the issues that ail our society. If we can have honest discussion, there could be genuine solutions.

I wonder what it would take for the church as a whole to be able to name the issues that plague it and be able to move forward more united. How can we answer Jesus' prayer "...so that they may be one as we are one." (John 17:11b) For starters, I can only imagine it would require honest evaluation and naming the issues in a safe space where true dialogue could occur.

From Fundamentalism to Activism

Hello All. Welcome. My purpose for writing is to try to gain different perspectives. As some of you may know, I am both Jewish & Puerto Rican and was raised as a Christian. My widowed mother, handicapped brother, and I spent much of our time in Pentecostal churches – mostly within the Assemblies of God and the Church of God. I’ve observed that my fundamentalist background has given me many “answers” with very little room for differing views. I’ve since been able to deconstruct many of those ideas, but despite my own diverse background, my vision and understanding of means of resistance is still limited. That is what this space is for. This is a space where I can throw out some ideas and see how they fly with you guys. I hope to glean from your wisdom, and maybe you might glean from the little bit that I’ve attained along the way.

So, we all care about making this world a better place. Some of us go about that through various forms of activism or engaging in political discourse. The art community contributes in aiding the viewer in perceiving the world from a different perspective. Others of us (for good or for ill) look to our spiritual leaders for insight. Finally there are those that are overwhelmed by all of the problems facing our world or perhaps become too cynical, believing nothing is ever going to change. These groups retreat to their own worlds – be they materialism, sex, drugs, rock and roll (just kidding), friends, their own family, hobbies, or even church - neglecting their community at large.

Make no mistake – I hold no illusions that we can save the world by oversimplified solutions. There is much evil in the world that is deeply-rooted and systemic. But my view is that just as evil has found it’s way into virtually all levels of humanity, we must also think about being the solution on a systemic level. So please, share with me your thoughts, ideas you are interested in, organizations you support, strategies you would like to explore, and let us collaborate.